you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
