Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Text me some of your sweat
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
