I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
