I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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