You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
