No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
