I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
