I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
