I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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