so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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