why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
