I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
