I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
