Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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