Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
