Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
