he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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