You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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