I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
