I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.