the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word