I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
