I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
