Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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