Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
