We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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