i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
