Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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