I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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