Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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