also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
