is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
