What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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