I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are my feet made of real feet?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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