I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
