if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Boobs are out for the taking
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
