They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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