you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize