my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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