Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i think im in europe. pls send help
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
