I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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