Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
