I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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