omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world