You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He has the fingertips of a God
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
