a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"