careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.