I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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