youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen