Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We just shotgunned beers for America
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
