So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
