they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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