I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
