Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
