I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
