Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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