just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
