Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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