What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
