Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
