Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
