Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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