if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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