Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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