Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even know how to be here
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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