Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
