and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
