Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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