We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
