Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
