please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
