I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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