He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
